Meera Subramanian
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the moment i was fearless

March 29, 2011 By Meera Leave a Comment

Smith magazine has done it again. Asked a simple question and waited for our answers. This time: “Everyone has a moment. What’s yours?” Here’s my answer:

Jesus looked 40 feet tall as I floated above him. The Florida waters were warm, and I kicked my finned feet, listened to my breath pass in and out of the snorkel and the crinkling crystalline sound of water lapping against my body. I watched the others around me descend to touch the underwater Christ of the Abyss, though it seemed so very far away. I was five. Everything looked huge, and I stayed on the surface.

But I was at home in the water. Our little New Jersey town was bordered by two rivers that drained into the Atlantic seven miles from our house. I learned how to swim in their waters and in the frigid pool of the local YMCA. My dad would trick me, letting go and stepping back with the agreement that I would swim toward him. But he would step farther away from me with each stroke I made, forever out of reach, an unattainable goal. The lessons worked; I crave the feel of my body in that liquid environment, where fluid movements so like flight are possible, where gravity reverses itself.

In the Keys, there was more than just Jesus. There were barracuda, slender four-foot fish that I could see at a blue and murky distance. And in the shallows, a stingray nearly as large as I was undulated through the water below me, a dusting of fine white sand from the sea floor stirred by its water wings. Lobsters crawled straight from some prehistoric epoch and sea urchins were underwater starbursts. The barracuda had razor sharp teeth. The stingray could sting. A misstep on an urchin would have sent me to the hospital. But all I knew was that I had entered a world I never knew existed and it was wondrous. That there were things that inhabited this other place that could hurt me, I was unaware. I had no fear. My flippers made my new swimming skills seem like those of a superhero, and I knew that the creatures I encountered were busy with their own doings, ignoring my little mammalian body that had trespassed upon them.

It is thirty-five years later, and I have just spent two weeks worrying about the status of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant, though I am 10,000 miles away. It was not completely idle fretting. On top of thinking about the people of northern Japan, last night I was supposed to be on a plane to Tokyo, to celebrate my cousin’s wedding. I chose, in the last hours, not to go. Fear was the deciding factor. I was worried about the hot water that keeps evaporating from the pools filled with spent fuel rods, and the radioactivity in the steam. I was worried about the International Atomic Energy Association’s repeated use of the words “very serious.” I was worried about all that the scientists and technicians don’t know and the qualifier “somewhat” by a Japanese spokesman when claiming that they were preventing the situation from getting worse. I was worried about the power of that energy we’ve pretended we’ve harnessed, though the bind of control seems to have reversed, though my cousin’s future grandchildren will still be asking, decades from now, what do we do with all this radioactive shit they left behind?

Was it in those Florida waters? Was that the moment when I last experienced a world without apprehension? Though the barracuda’s teeth were just as sharp as they are now, the water was so warm and everything so new and beautiful. And there was a bronze Jesus and a little girl who knew nothing of nuclear fission. Of the cruel ways men can treat animals and each other and the earth. Of what the eyes of a dying friend look like. Of the length of a surgical incision in a father’s torso.

I returned to that same body of water in Florida when I was nineteen. My breath caught when I saw the barracuda, though they still paid me no mind. And Jesus? He was not much larger than a tall man, a swimming pool’s depth below the surface of the water. With a kick of my fins, I held my breath and swam down to touch his outstretched hand, but it was the fearless moment I was after, and I couldn’t reach it.

Filed Under: journalism

the lingering loveliness of long things

January 14, 2011 By Meera Leave a Comment

Published today on Killing the Buddha…



Last Friday night, a man late in his years and a recent recipient of news about his body that no man wants to hear, leaned in close to me and asked me a question. The air was heavy with mortality, and its twin emotion, love. What his question was is irrelevant, but the answer, I realize as I sit down to write about a marathon public reading of Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick last weekend, is not. My answer was about how I cherish the quiet spaces in life. Time without interruption. Time for deep conversations or a sensuous focus on a single subject. Time to get into the grit of life, and let it unfold. I am decidedly of the mind that that’s where all the good stuff happens. I also feel like these moments, in our hyper-communicative lives, are becoming extremely rare. We share more, with more people, but we stay on the surface of an unfathomable ocean.

At noon the next day, I stepped into a space that felt deep and from some other time. The approach, rumbling down cobblestone streets, helped. The entrance to the new Bedford Whaling Museum was plugged with people, some (including myself) laden with sleeping bags and backpacks of snacks. It was the fifteenth annual Moby-Dick Marathon, a non-stop reading of the epic tale from the site of Melville’s own departure on a whaling ship in 1841. My friends and I were in it for the long haul. I, I must admit, had never read the book. I knew it was about a ship, and an obsessive captain, and a whale.

And so I learned about Ishmael and Ahab and the white whale and their adventures. For more than a day, it was just voices. One after the other, 180 readers stepped up to the mic for a ten-minute stretch each over the course of 25 contiguous hours. You could look at the number affixed to their sleeve and then the program and perhaps figure out who they were: notables such as Barney Frank (MA congressman) or Peter Whittemore (great-great-grandson of Melville), or simply “Retiree” or “Melville Aficionado.”  Though we moved venues a couple of times, mostly we were settled in the museum’s Jacob’s Family Gallery, transformed into a space of words and whispers. Whale skeletons, suspended from the ceiling, hung over our heads. A blue whale exuded oil from its bones that collected in a small flask that would take decades to fill.

Nearing midnight, the crowd had thinned. I had signed up as a substitute reader, placed my own S-14 label on my arm and it was as I was getting sleepy that one of the organizers rested a hand on my shoulder and asked me to read. As I stood at one podium listening to the prior reader finish and awaiting my cue to begin, I saw that it was snowing outside and I smiled. And then with his nod, I began to read of the “power and malice” of sperm whales, as noted by our young sailor. Call me, not Ismael, but a romantic; I felt like I was taking part in some small yet wondrous bit of history.

For reading aloud is a dying art. When did you last read something, more than a snippet from the newspaper, to someone close to you? When was the last time you had something read to you? A poem? An essay? A book? A long book? Jeff Sharlet, who founded this website, (and, it’s not unrelated, named his blog, “Call Me Ishmael.”), was once my professor. He made us stand at the podium and read our work aloud to each other. “Go to book readings,” he commanded. “As writers, they are your church services.” Some of the readers in New Bedford were born preachers, in this respect. They read neither too slow nor too fast. They lingered over words. They savored the stage directions of punctuation. Others were young, or inexperienced, or melodramatic. The resulting flavors were humorous (when an English captain took on a thick Brooklyn brogue) or painful (when the most basic words were mispronounced), yet there was always something fabulously democratic about the mélange. Our lack of reading aloud, or perhaps more accurately, our lack of listening, is the death of our pronunciation. Moby-Dick is advanced; there are deceptive nautical terms where only half the letters are pronounced and 25-cent words galore. When they were spoken correctly, they sang. We listeners learned.



The other blessed thing of these epic events, these extended spaces of quiet, is the stages they pass through. In the beginning, hundreds of us were in a room filled with the Lagoda, a half-scale model of a whaling bark, its mast inches from the cathedral-height ceiling. We moved to the Seaman’s Bethel across the street for the sermon section, sitting in the stiff wooden pews where Melville once sat, listening to a real-life pastor play the part of Reverend Mapple as he thundered the story of Job from a boat prow pulpit. We returned to the museum and settled into the Jacob’s Gallery, taking short forays into the theater and another exhibition room to surround a sperm whale skeleton for a soliloquy on cetology. The hours ticked on. People came and went. By three in the morning, there were fifteen people sitting in folding chairs and another dozen snuggled in sleeping bags in the upper corridor. I slept myself, on and off, and then periodically leaned up, book in hand, and resumed listening. As light began to stream in the window, a new wave of people arrived with coffee cups in hand, stomping fresh snow from their boots.

But the movement in body was minimal, not more than 20 or 30 minutes spent in transition, the rest in continual reading, page to page, chapter to chapter, reader to reader. The audience was hushed. Attentive. There were a few Kindles and iPads, but those with computers were rare and tended to tuck themselves away into far corners. A few women knitted. Most of the audience bent over copies of the book, their own—dog-eared and pencil-marked—or borrowed from the museum. If we spoke at all, it was in a whisper. I learned nothing about the friends of friends I was with until we buckled up in the car for the ride back to Boston early Sunday afternoon.

Except for the brief time when we crossed the street to the Seaman’s Bethel, I had not left the museum but once. A spell was broken as a friend and I stepped into the cold morning in search of a coffee. Early on in Moby-Dick, Ishmael talks about the love of extended stays on sea, far from daily news.

For the most part, in this tropic whaling life, a sublime uneventfulness invests you; you hear no news; read no gazettes; extras with startling accounts of commonplaces never delude you into unnecessary excitements; you hear of no domestic afflictions; bankrupt securities; fall of stocks….

I imagine the quiet of the sea, the drama only in moments of storms or the slaughtering of whales. As the barista fixes my coffee, I glance at the newspaper lying in wait. A massacre in Tuscon. We leave, return to the museum and the sacred space within, find solace, and escape, in the auditory marvel of a story well told.

Filed Under: killing the buddha Tagged With: books, moby-dick

porn for plants and god

December 2, 2010 By Meera Leave a Comment

Yesterday, I had a piece over at Religion Dispatches about San Francisco Jonathon Keats.

One man from San Francisco is … targeting priest, scientist, and artist in a playful rally against authority. Jonathon Keats calls himself an experimental philosopher—though novelist, journalist, performance artist, and mad scientist would all fit as well…. Keats feels there is a complete lack of curiosity on the part of the average person to ask the playful and profound questions at the heart of human existence. Scientists have specialized themselves into corners, the “sad consequence of the happy pursuit of knowledge.” The hoi polloi wait, Keats laments, for the artists to tell us the meaning of their art, the scientists to tell us how the world works, and the religious leaders to tell us right from wrong. We have become passive creatures.

To help combat this lethargy, Keats has turned to pornography. It began a couple of years ago with plants—showing zinnias uncensored footage of explicit pollination acts—but now it has escalated to porn for God.

Read the whole piece here.

Filed Under: journalism Tagged With: Religion Dispatches

om. hindu. huh?

November 28, 2010 By Meera Leave a Comment

Today, on Killing the Buddha…

Yoga. Fifteen million practitioners in the United States…and not one unified position on what exactly yoga is. What a surprise! And yet the debate rages on, among Southern Baptists and Orthodox Jews just to name a couple of religious groups, about whether or not yoga is a specifically Hindu practice, and whether to practice it is a betrayal of one’s own religious predilections should they not happen to hail from the Indian subcontinent.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a piece for India Today about yoga in America that touched on this infinite mix:

Although it was my father who was born in India, my mother, an American of European descent, took me to my first yoga class. I was about 10, and found myself after an hour of deep breathing and deeper stretches, sprawled on the floor in savasana. We were at church. … Little did I know I was playing out a role in some strange echo chamber of historical experience. The blood of east and west pumped through my young heart. My lapsed Baptist mother had married my lapsed Hindu father and, wanting to give their children some religious foundation, had chosen Unitarianism. It was a flexible faith. In the 1800s, its early American adaptors helped bring Hindu ideas to a New World audience when Henry David Thoreau penned to a friend, “Even I am a yogi,” and Ralph Waldo Emerson published his poem Brahma.

But my ruminations on twenty years of yoga practice aside, some people are getting serious about wanting to remind Westerners that theres a bit of history behind yoga—perhaps as much as four thousands years’ worth. Today, a piece by Paul Vitello climbs the top-ten list of most emailed stories on The New York Times site, about the “Take Back Yoga” campaign being waged by a group of Indian-Americans. They have

ignited a surprisingly fierce debate in the gentle world of yoga by mounting a campaign to acquaint Westerners with the faith that it says underlies every single yoga style followed in gyms, ashrams and spas: Hinduism. The campaign…does not ask yoga devotees to become Hindu, or instructors to teach more about Hinduism. The small but increasingly influential group behind it, the Hindu American Foundation, suggests only that people become more aware of yoga’s debt to the faith’s ancient traditions.

So what do you think? Have Americans, in our physioyoga™-core vinyasa-embodyoga™-anusara-ashtanga-Bikram™-hatha-prenatal-power-yin-happy-restorative thirst for yoga rejuvenation, stolen something? And is that something religious? Who or what are you invoking when, hands clasped in front of your heart center, you open your mouth and emit the eternal sound of Om?

Filed Under: killing the buddha Tagged With: hinduism, india, Yoga

KtB celebrates ten years!

November 14, 2010 By Meera Leave a Comment

KtB just turned ten! Join us to celebrate on December 7th in Brooklyn, New York.

Poster by the ever-talented Danica Novgorodoff.

For the past three years, i’ve been in the buddha-killing business and it seems a fine time to celebrate. And ten years! Ten years old isn’t much for a tree. A ten-year-old religion hardly even deserves to be called one. But for a website? Ten years is ancient. It’s venerable. It’s wise.

That’s why, on December 7th, KtB is putting on a Tin (Tenth) Anniversary Spectacular at the Galapagos Art Space in DUMBO, Brooklyn. It’ll feature a Decadent Decalogueof performances by friends of the magazine new and old, including Gangstagrass, Gabriel Kahane, Eugene Mirman, Eileen Myles, Rev. Osagyefo Uhuru Sekou, and others.

There will also be Buddha-killer drink specials, 6-word testimonies, a DJ afterparty, and unmentionable surprises. KtB editor Quince Mountain (Worldwide College of Auctioneering Class of ’96) will officiate over a live and silent auction.

All proceeds go to Killing the Buddha, which has always depended on reader contributions, so that it can support more exemplary writing and continue to bring people together offline at live events around the country.

On November 13, 2000, Jeff Sharlet and Peter Manseau launched Killing the Buddha with a quartet of odd, uncomfortable, beautiful essays. By 2001, Utne Reader heralded it one of “15 sites that could shake the world.” Since then, we have been publishing commentary, journalism, reviews, fiction, art, and more. CNN reported just this past year, “Killing the Buddha makes religion interesting again.”

More info here and RSVP on Facebook.

Filed Under: killing the buddha Tagged With: killing the buddha

yoga in america

November 9, 2010 By Meera Leave a Comment

In honor of president Obama’s visit to India, India Today published a special issue looking at Indian-American life. Here’s my small contribution…

Although it was my father who was born in India, my mother, an American of European descent, took me to my first yoga class. I was about 10, and found myself after an hour of deep breathing and deeper stretches, sprawled on the floor in savasana. We were at church. It was a weekday night, in the same room where my Sunday school lessons were held, and the teacher instructed us to close our eyes and let our bodies sink into the floor. It may have been the first time I paid attention to my body when it wasn’t calling out in the pain, hunger, or chill born of a child’s needs. I closed my eyes and did as I was told. I felt my back, legs and head in contact with the carpeted floor. And then I melted into the hard surface. It was magical – probably the closest I came to a religious experience in any house of worship. Something happened.

Read the rest here.

Filed Under: journalism Tagged With: india, Yoga

some hints for freelancers

November 8, 2010 By Meera 2 Comments

At the SEJ conference, I teamed up with fellow freelancer Karen Schaefer and hosted one of the beat dinners during the conference to share information about how to make the freelance life work, at least a little better. Here’s a resource list we ended up with, put together from a variety of sources, including many gleanings from the ever helpful SEJ Freelance listserv, participant suggestions, places people learned about from Maya Smart, and more. It’s by no means exhaustive, and possibly redundant to other resource lists out there, but we wanted to share it in case it helps even one floundering freelance soul out there. Feel free to share widely.

The Business of Freelancing:

Poynter Online: http://www.poynter.org/

Writer’s Market: http://www.writersmarket.com/

Elance: http://www.elance.com/

CNN Small Business: http://money.cnn.com/smallbusiness/

Wall Street Journal Small Business Marketing: http://online.wsj.com/public/page/news–small–business–marketing.html

Inc.com: http://www.inc.com/

Biz Journals: http://www.bizjournals.com/bizjournals/small_business/

Small Business Planner: http://www.sba.gov/smallbusinessplanner/index.html

Writer’s Digest: http://www.writersdigest.com/GeneralMenu/

Writers and Editors:  http://www.writers-editors.com

Writers Weekly:  www.writersweekly.com

Writing Coach: http://www.writingcoach.com/

Freelance Success: http://www.freelancesuccess.com/

Association of Independents in Radio: http://airmedia.org/

Daily Freelance Net: http://www.freelancedaily.net/

Editorial Freelancers Association: http://www.the–efa.org/

Editorial Pay Rates: http://www.the–efa.org/res/rates.php

Registering a business name: http://www.business.gov/register/business–name/

Small business FAQ: http://www.business.gov/faqs/

State taxes: http://www.business.gov/manage/taxes/state.html

IRS Small Business, including Employer Identification Number (EIN), taxes and more: http://www.irs.gov/businesses/small/index.html

Best Business Practices for Photographers: http://www.best–business–practices.com/

Tools:

Blog Talk Radio:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com – social network Internet radio site that supports free talk radio show hosting, podcasts and more.

Transom.org:  http://transom.org – a website showcasing the work of new public radio, with a fantastic section on tools

PRX:  http://www.prx.org/ – Public Radio Exchange, a website where radio stations and independent producers can share their work.  If radio stations air indy work, there’s a small royalty.

The Non-Designer’s Design Book by Robin Williams:  http://www.amazon.com/Non–Designers–Design–Book–Robin–Williams/dp/0321534042/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285258063&sr=8-1

Sound Reporting, put out by NPR: http://www.amazon.com/Sound–Reporting–Guide–Journalism–Production/dp/0226431789

Rights:

Media Perils: http://publiability.com/ – Liability insurance.

Contract Lingo: http://www.writingcoach.com/blog/bid/43764/Contract–Terms–Every–Freelance–Writer–Should–Know

Creative Commons : http://creativecommons.org/ – An open-source approach to copyright.

Covering your Ass (by SEJ-er Alion Kerr) http://writetodone.com/2010/10/15/are–you–using–protection–free–speech–libel–and–covering–your–ass/

Health Insurance:

Freelancers Union: http://www.freelancersunion.org/insurance/explore/

MediaBistro: http://www.mediabistro.com/insurance/

The Artists Health Insurance Resource Center directory: http://www.ahirc.org/

E Health insurance: ehealthinsurance.com

National Writers Union: www.nwu.org

Alternative Funding Sources:

SEJ list of fellowships and workshops: http://www.sej.org/initiatives/awards–fellowships/non–sej–environmental–journalism–fellowships–and–workshops

Spot.Us: http://spot.us/ – Spot.Us is a nonprofit project of the “Center for Media Change“ and funded by various groups like the Knight Foundation

Fund for Environmental Journalism (SEJ): http://www.sej.org/initiatives/fund+for+environmental+journalism/overview

Kickstarter: http://www.kickstarter.com/ –

National Geographic Expeditions: http://www.nationalgeographic.com/field/grants–programs/ec–apply/

Fund for Investigative Journalism: http://fij.org/

Pulitzer Center for Crisis Reporting: http://pulitzercenter.org/travel–grants

Investigative Reporters and Editors: http://www.ire.org/ (Also have trainings)

Foundation Center: http://foundationcenter.org/findfunders/fundingsources/gtio.html

Consider museums, historical societies, etc.

Nonprofit Journalism:

ProPublica: http://www.propublica.org/ ProPublica is an independent, non-profit newsroom that produces investigative journalism in the public interest.

Rocky Mountain Investigative News Network ((I-News): http://www.inewsnetwork.org/

InvestigateWest:  http://invw.org/ – A non-profit investigative journalism team started by former investigative journalists from the now-closed Seattle Post-Intelligencer.  InvestigateWest uses foundation funding along with donations from private individuals to create multi-media content for the general public and media partners.

InvestigateWest, Lessons from the First Year: http://www.knightdigitalmediacenter.org/leadership_blog/comments/20100824_investigatewest_lessons_from_the_first_year/

The Journalism Shop:  ww.thejournalismshop.com – A cooperative composed primarily of former Los Angeles Times staffers laid off or bought out during the current financial storm.

Oregon News Incubator: https://newsincubator.wordpress.com/ – A nonprofit network that advances entrepreneurial journalism in the evolving media ecosystem, supporting structures, tools and collaborative space for independent and emerging media producers.

**Many more at sej.org**

Filed Under: journalism Tagged With: Society of Environmental Journalists

the dark side of the festival of lights

November 5, 2010 By Meera Leave a Comment

Today, on Killing the Buddha…

I knew something was changing in India when I arrived for Diwali about ten years back and some of my nephews were boycotting the five-day Hindu Festival of Lights. While subtler forms of light are used too—a cascade of clay oil lamps illuminating sets of stairs—firecrackers are the big attraction in this annual commemoration of good over evil. Sparklers and M80s and things that go Pop! Bang! Boom! Ravana has been vanquished. All hail Lakshmi, goddess of wealth… with a thousand firecrackers strung together producing a magnificent five-minute-long series of explosions that surely the gods can hear in the heavens, making their ears ring and their eyes water.

My teenage relatives were having none of it. Not only does all that bang lead to missing fingers (a close call for one cousin) and house fires (an uncle’s rooftop thatch hut was engulfed), but the city is subsumed in a cloud of noxious smoke. The firecrackers themselves, my nephews explained to me, are produced in unsafe work conditions by child laborers. They didn’t want to support such a business.

Add to that the revelations that Diwali spurs an increase in the ritual sacrifice of owls to woo the the gods into helping the lives of humans. Something similar was happening during the World Cup in Africa, when smoking vulture brains was thought to help predict winners. (Little did they know they could simply ask Paul, who sadly passed away just last week.)

For Hindus, with their 300 million incarnations of god, it must be hard to please them all. And so many are intimately connected with the animal world. Last year, I met Jitu Solanki, a young naturalist making a living by running a guest house and offering desert tours in Bikaner of western Rajasthan. We were talking about the lack of dog control in India, the world’s leading country in rabies bites. He said:

Hindu people, you know, there is a lot of god and all, so we have a god we call Bhairava, reincarnation of Shiva and his vehicle is a dog, so people believe that if you kill the dog, Bhairava will be angry. This is a very nice concept that I like. If you see any god in Hinduism, you will find some bird or animal related and it is a very nice way to conserve wildlife.

But, everywhere, everyday, we lay lesser forms at the altars—little kids making firecrackers for our celebratory fun, exhaust from the transportation that carries me to a conference on conservation, the wind turbines that create “green energy,” daubed with the blood of birds. If only good and evil were just a bit easier to distinguish from one another. Give me more comics and less complexity. Give me light and the sweet, loud, smokey, conscience-free childhood memory of climbing rooftops in Chennai with my pack of cousins. Me in my brand new clothes, my clean hair freshly oiled, looking for the match to light my next sparkler.

Filed Under: killing the buddha Tagged With: birds of prey, hinduism, india

flathead lake—the pristine & the alien

October 16, 2010 By Meera Leave a Comment

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCCmD_IQU2Q&fs=1&hl=en_US]

A grateful Society of Environmental Journalists 20-20-20 fellowship recipient, I arrived early in Missoula, Montana to take the Wednesday video workshop. On Thursday, with the official SEJ annual conference underway, I headed out to Flathead Lake with my Nikon D90 (but, sorry, no tripod), and on Saturday afternoon, turned the footage into this, my very first video.

Filed Under: journalism Tagged With: Society of Environmental Journalists

letting gravity win

October 4, 2010 By Meera 4 Comments

"Luis and the Balloons" by Thomas Hawk

I have a new piece up on Killing the Buddha this morning, on death and life and that time in between. It’s also about flying houses and balloons and dogs and chocolate.

Read the whole thing here.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: death, killing the buddha

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